TEAM OF THE WEAK – GAMEWEEK 10 – TERRIFIER TEN
Every week, we roll up, strip naked and wait for the lashes to begin. How much longer do we have to endure this mental and physical torture?
Let’s dive in and find the hell out. It’s the FPL Team of the Weak.
SA – 4.3 – WOLVES
A keeper so bad that the club bought the reserve stopper at Crystal Palace to replace him. Jose Sa has now featured five times this season and conceded 14 goals. He can’t catch, he can’t kick and I’m pretty sure his gloves are made of custard.
TODIBO – 4.3 – WEST HAM UTD
The French defender was seen as quite the coup at the start of the season for West Ham. He has been dreadful. Yet to keep a clean sheet, he continued the unforgivable recent trend of making Chris Wood look like peak fucking Lewandowski.
WALKER – 5.2 – MANCHESTER CITY
Typically there are three ways that football players decline. Slowly, like a KDB or Gerrard, where every year just takes away a yard of pace or accuracy. Or quickly, like Walker, where they just drop off a fucking cliff to instant death.
The third way is never. Like Messi and Jonny Evans.
PORRO – 5.5 – TOTTENHAM
It’s absolutely baffling to me how people still rate Spurs under Ange as anything but box office fun. Porro is a child of a full back. He makes Marcus Alonso look like a defensive powerhouse.
Spurs backline are the footballing equivalent of the Roy children.
These are not serious people.
TORRES – 4.5 – ASTON VILLA
Villa played well in the first half at White Hart Lane, or whatever the fuck Spurs stadium is now called.
They then folded like a pack of cards. Torres completing a barely credible zero tackles, duels, headers, interceptions or blocks in 45 minutes of molten horseshit.
RICE – 6.3 – ARSENAL
With Odegaard out, many Arsenal fans looked to Declan Rice to step up. Now in a more creative 8 role, many tipped the England man to kick on and add to his 16 GIs last season.
He has 1 assist from over 50 corners/set pieces and couldn’t score in an open air brothel.
Dogshit.
ALVAREZ – 5.0 – WEST HAM UTD
Another week, another absolutely pointless red card for West Ham. A club currently showing the tactical nous and on field discipline of the fucking Hamburglar.
Managed by Ronald McDonald.
FODEN – 9.3 – MANCHESTER CITY
What on earth has happened to Phil Foden? Does he still think Gareth Southgate is his manager? Not so much phoning it in, as defecating in the shirt and hurling it from the stands.
Four titles in a row will do that to you I suppose.
GARNACHO – 6.3 – MANCHESTER UTD
In the last 6 weeks Garnacho has had 41 attempts in the box, 30 attempts and 5 big chances. He has scored one goal.
He has the decision making of an infant and the finishing prowess of Moo Deng.
Somebody. Coach. The. Man.
Amorim has his work cut out.
DARWIN – 7.1 – LIVERPOOL
Expert FPL “pundits” lined up to say how Nunez was a good punt this week.
bUt THaT bRigHtOn hIGhLiNe
The Uruguayan wasteman completed just 6 passes, had one shot, which was shit, and carried the threat of a flea on the back of a water buffalo.
DCL – 5.9 – EVERTON
I can’t. I just fucking CAN’T. Okay.
Please Sean. Stop picking him. Do our jobs for us because we can’t be fucking trusted any longer.
Bring back Duncan fucking Ferguson. Or Moist Keane.
SUMMARY
Look I know there is another game left, but we all have Mbuemo/Mbeumo and people with or without Flekken are going to get the same fucking points anyway.
And no, I don’t give a fuck about hipster tossers who sold Solanke for Jimenez.
See you next week you reckless bastards. HM.
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