KILLING OF THE CARLTON MOON Well I’m back, said Samwise Gamgee after his adventures in Middle Earth. Going to talk to you about Gameweek 29’s Team of the Weak. And so am I. Let’s dive the hell in. DUBRAVKA – 4.2 – NEWCASTLE UTD Inspiring as much confidence in the troops as General Custer on…
THE HUNGER BENCH GAMES I don’t think we need to waste any time here. Let’s dive in and not see Phil Foden absolutely anywhere. DUBRAVKA – 4.2 – NEWCASTLE I don’t want to say that Nick Pope was a big loss, but Newcastle had conceded 3 goals once in an entire year with him in…
Which players promised us so much this season… and have thus far delivered nothing but a fistful of faeces. Let’s rubber up, and dive the hell in to FPL TEAM OF THE WEAK – THE FIRST HALF. FLEKKEN – 4.5 – BRENTFORD Ranked top of Eric Freeman’s GKs for this season, Flekken has been so…
THE SOLANKE GOODBYE I’m not here to stand on fucking ceremony. Let’s dive in and see what dickheads dipped themselves in urine and soiled our teams this week. Quick, before we lose our fucking points and don’t show enough respect. EDERSON – 5.5 – MANCHESTER CITY Averaging just 2.9 points per game, even calling Ederson…
A seasonal banquet of bastardness. Join me in unwrapping this lump of coal, soaked in shit and fisted northward until you vomit it up. Let us dive in. Goggles on. SANCHEZ – 4.7 – CHELSEA Absolutely insistent on putting his defence under pressure again and again, RDZ literally sold this tosser because he couldn’t pass…
I’m going to be up front and honest with you all right from the start. Darwin Nunez is in here. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. Will the FPL Community ever learn? Or will it continue to be led down the garden path by the Pied Pipers of Analytics FC?…
Unlucky for some. Especially if you bought Eze, captained him, and made him the subject of a £100 bet to get some fucking Hufflepuff to follow you. Which XI players of crystallised anal essence made the hallowed halls this week. Let’s get this over with. SANCHEZ – 4.6 – CHELSEA I still don’t quite know…
SHITIZEN KANE Who littered the streets of filth this week? Let’s dive in and find out before we have to endure a Biscuit World Cup on Twitter FPL. JOHNSTONE – 4.6 – CRYSTAL PALACE 1 save in a 3-goal home loss to Everton is basically the footballing equivalent of a Darwin award. That’s Charles Darwin…
SHIT BUTTY Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey. To only pick XI from this plethora of pillocks is a job way above my station. At least once a season you normally see an FPL week this bad. But not this bad. Blackbox expert wanker AZ has 11 points. Eleven. That’s less than a point…
SHIT SHIT BANG BANG After a week off in the Maltese sun I return to this shower of acid piss. Let us waste no time, and dive in to see which 11 wastemen made the cut for excremental ineptitude this gameweek. MARTINEZ – 4.9 – ASTON VILLA This feels a harsh inclusion. But conceding a…
